Glee Goes Facebook
by SinfulPerfection
Summary: The second season of Glee as told by Facebook! Basically what the character's Facebooks might have said during each episode. Each chapter corresponds to an episode in order in the second season. Rated T, spoilers.
1. Auditions

**A/N: Hey, so I decided to jump on the "Facebook fic" bandwagon :) Each chapter in this story will be what the Glee characters were posting on Facebook during one episode's events. The episodes will go in order through the second season. And just in case you are unfamiliar with all the other Facebook stories out there...**

**Name **to **Name**

**Subject: **blah blah blah

is a private message and can only be seen by the people it is sent to. Likewise,

**Name**

blah blah blah

is a private chat.

**Name **is blah blah blah

is a status update and

**Name - Name **blah blah blah

is a wall post. Both of those can be seen by everyone.

**Now on to the story:**

* * *

><p><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang <strong>is in a relationship with **Mike Chang  
><strong>**13 people like this  
><strong>**Artie Abrams: **:(  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>wait, isn't he your brother?  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>omg

**Rachel Berry **is in a relationship with **Finn Hudson  
><strong>**Santana Lopez: **gross

**Rachel Berry **is ready for another year of GLEE!  
><strong>Finn Hudson likes this<strong>

**Quinn Fabray **misses summer already  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>i don't. i was lost in the sewers the whole time  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>britt…you went to europe with your family  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>that's what everyone thought  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>…

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob Ben Israel <strong>has uploaded a video.  
><strong>256 people like this<br>****Dave Karofsky: **Glee club sucks!

**Rachel Berry **Everyone sign up for glee club! Nationals is in New York City!  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>It's a shame you won't be going.

**34 people **have become a fan of **Stop Rapping Mr. Schuester  
><strong>**Will Schuester: **…

**Rachel Berry **hopes everyone will come see New Directions perform at the amphitheater tomorrow!  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>You just never quit, do you?  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Sue, don't you have something to be doing other than trolling Facebook?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>coach sylvester is a troll?  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Bottom of the pyramid, Brittany!

* * *

><p><strong>122 people <strong>are now friends with **Assbraham Lincolon  
><strong>**Will Schuester: **Sue?  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Wasn't me, William

**Will Schuester – Sue Sylvester **Stop vandalizing the glee club sign up sheets!  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>And yeah, I know that was you  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>I would never do something so childish

**Sue Sylvester **has formed the group **Glee Club is Gay**

**56 people **have joined the group **Glee Club is Gay  
><strong>**Finn Hudson: **really santana and brittany?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>but the glee club IS gay!  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>That is true Brittany. Congratulations on excellent use of double entendre. You can move up the pyramid again.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>huh?

* * *

><p><strong>Sue Sylvester<br>**We have a problem

**Will Schuester  
><strong>No kidding. You've turned all your Cheerios and by extension the entire school against glee!

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>I'm not talking about your stupid club  
>I'm talking about Figgins cutting our budget and giving it to that rhino<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Oh. Right

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>We are going to do something about this.

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Ok like what?

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>Don't worry I have it all planned out  
>We're going to order a ton of pizzas<br>And then when they get there

**Will Schuester  
><strong>She'll have to pay for them?

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>She'll have to pay for them  
>Wait, what?<br>Did I already tell you this?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>It was obvious

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>Oh. Well anyway

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Are you sure this is a good idea?

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>Just trust me. I've done this a thousand times

**Will Schuester  
><strong>I don't doubt it

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>Good. Meet me tomorrow after school

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson – Artie Abrams <strong>I found a possible new member for glee. will you come with me to talk to him tomorrow?  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>sure. where did you find him?  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>he was singing in the showers in the locker room  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>creepy?  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Hey, Finn, that's how I found you!  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>double creepy?  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>maybe we should start cruising the showers to see if we can find anyone else  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>OMG STOP WITH THE CREEPY

**Sue Sylvester **Anyone caught singing in the girl's bathroom will be bludgeoned to death and then shot repeatedly  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>And if you are singing a Lady Gaga song, you will be subsequently flayed to within an inch of your life. That means you, Rachel Berry  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Chill out, Sue  
><strong>Sunshine Corazon: <strong>I'm scared

**Rachel Berry **is now friends with **Sunshine Corazon**

**Sunshine Corazon – Rachel Berry **hey, you'll let me know when glee tryouts are, right?  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Of course  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>I was thinking, it might be better if you aren't seen talking to me on Facebook until after the tryout. We don't want people thinking I'll be playing favorites when it comes time to decide who makes the cut  
><strong>Sunshine Corazon: <strong>got it ;)

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>hey are you planning to sabotage that sunshine girl?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Of course not. Why would you think that?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>uh because I know you  
>since when have you cared about other people joining glee?<br>I thought you didn't want that

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Well maybe I have come to see the error of my ways  
>What's good for the team is good for me right?<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>if you say so  
>just don't do anything to make everyone mad, ok?<br>I think they're finally starting to like you

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I don't think so. Quinn just formed a page called Rachel Berry Sucks

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>yeah but no one in the glee club joined, that's good, right?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I suppose.

* * *

><p><strong>Sue Sylvester<br>**Making Beiste pay for all that pizza didn't really have the effect I had hoped for  
>It's time for phase two<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Don't you think we should just leave her alone?

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>Absolutely not!  
>We can't stop until we have our budget back<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>It just seems so cruel

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>It's for the kids, Will  
>You know better than anyone that when money gets short, your precious glee club will be the first to go<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>I guess you're right  
>I just wish there was another way<p>

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>If you're talking about blackmailing Figgins, I already tried that. Twice.

**Will Schuester  
><strong>No I don't mean blackmail  
>I mean like<br>Reasonable negotiation

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>In my experience, people tend to be more reasonable AFTER you've tortured them  
>Which is why we are going to start Operation: Mean Girl tomorrow<br>And remind her that no matter which high school you're at, human-gorilla hybrids never get to eat lunch with the prom queen  
>If you know what I mean<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Who is the prom queen in this metaphor?

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>Don't tempt me, William. As soon as this big ugly mess is off our hands, you're next.

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Sorry. I couldn't help myself

**Finn Hudson **four slices of pizza + wind sprints=bad news  
><strong>Dave Karofsky likes this<br>****Noah Puckerman: **don't even talk about it  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>I have never felt so terrible in my life. the rest of the season better not be like this  
><strong>Matt Rutherford: <strong>lol. i heard tanaka's been replaced?  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>yeah, by the devil!  
><strong>Matt Rutherford: <strong>good thing I transferred

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>listen do you think trying out for the football team is a good idea?  
>we just had a hell of a practice today<br>idk if its worth it

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>of course it's a good idea  
>I can handle it<br>my legs don't work but that doesn't mean im weak

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I know  
>its just that you're going to have to work so much harder to do all the plays in your chair<p>

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>I've been practicing  
>I'm in shape<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ok  
>ill talk to beiste later this week then<p>

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>thanks

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>you think this will help you get tina back?

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>I hope so  
>I kinda miss her<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>:/  
>hope it works out man<p>

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>thanks

**Artie Abrams **is ready for football tryouts!

**Finn Hudson and 3 others **are now friends with **Sam Evans  
><strong>**Noah Puckerman: **not bad singing today new kid  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>agree. you better be coming to tryouts!  
><strong>Sam Evans: <strong>I'll be there :)

**Rachel Berry **to **Kurt Hummel **and **Mercedes Jones  
><strong>**Subject: **Sunshine  
>You guys. We NEED to do something about this Sunshine girl. She will steal all the solos from us if she isn't stopped. I am thinking about the team here, ok?<br>**Kurt Hummel: **Rach, we already told you, we want her to try out. End of story  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>kurt's right. you better not do anything to sabotage her  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>It's you guys I'm worried about! Your already limited solos will be the first to suffer when this monstrosity hits  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>I will say this one more time. BE NICE  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Fine

**Rachel Berry **Does anyone know of a good crack house?  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>you're addicted to crack? that explains so much  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>It's for a friend  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>why would you want a house with a crack in it?

* * *

><p><strong>Sue Sylvester <strong>Does anyone want any cookies?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>me!  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Don't eat anything she gives you, Brittany.  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Don't listen to him. They're heart healthy. The terrible smell comes from the flaxseed oil.

**Finn Hudson **has left the group **McKinley High Football Team  
><strong>**Rachel Berry likes this  
><strong>**Artie Abrams: **this is all my fault. i shouldn't have asked you to talk to beiste with me  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>no it's not your fault. and seriously, rach? you like this?  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Trust me, life will be much easier for us if we don't have to worry about popularity. This way we can take the time and energy to focus on our talent.

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn Fabray <strong>has joined the group **Cheerios  
><strong>**Santana Lopez: **back so soon, baby mama?  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>yep. thanks for keeping the captain spot warm for me while I was gone  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>I hope the uniform covers your stretch marks

**Finn Hudson **didn't make the Cheerios :(  
><strong>Rachel Berry likes this<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Sue Sylvester <strong>Section 23 of the Cheerios Handbook: No member of the squad is allowed to undergo any surgery to alter his or her physical appearance, **Santana Lopez  
><strong>**Quinn Fabray likes this  
><strong>**Quinn Fabray: **Section 24: Any member of the squad must submit to surgery to alter his or her physical appearance if directly ordered by coach and supreme dictator Sue Sylvester  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>That's why you're my captain, Q

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>you are a bitch

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>and you're a fake

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>you really think my boob job is worse for the team's image than your pregnancy scandal?

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>coach sylvester seems to think so  
>did you really think your being head cheerleader was going to last once I wasn't pregnant anymore?<br>face it, S. you aren't me  
>have fun on the bottom of the pyramid, I always pegged you as a bottom<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>I'd lock your bedroom door if I were you  
>because I'm seriously about to come over and END YOU<p>

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>bring it

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>I'm not messing around Q  
>I will kick your ass<p>

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>well it wouldnt exactly be a fair fight  
>you have airbags<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>fuck you!

_Santana Lopez is offline_

**Quinn Fabray **is so glad to be back on the Cheerios. I missed you guys!  
><strong>34 people like this<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Mercedes Jones <strong>you guys all just got lost on the way to glee tryouts, right? RIGHT?  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>I can't believe sam didn't show :(  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Face it Aretha, no one wants to be part of that leper colony that you try to pass off as a glee club.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>did you know lepers are faster than cheetahs?  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>hey did you hear about the leper hockey game? there was a face off in the corner!  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>hello?

**Santana Lopez – Brittany Pierce **is it true that you got groped by beiste?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>no. coach told me to make it up  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Libel!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>you are the only one who can touch me there san  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>;)  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>I hate you both.

**Sunshine Corazon **to **Mike Chang **and **Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>**Subject: **Glee Club  
>Hi, I'm new at McKinley and I met you guys at that Asian party over the summer. I just wanted to write you a message because I wanted to try out for your glee club. I was planning on coming to tryouts yesterday but that Rachel Berry girl told me the auditions were at a crack house…<br>Can I still try out?  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>wait, she sent you to a crack house?  
><strong>Sunshine Corazon: <strong>yes!  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>maybe she made a mistake?  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>don't be so dumb, mike. that girl is a crazy attention whore who must be stopped  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>whoa…  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>I hate her. once when mr. schue gave me a solo, she tried to lock me in a dumpster  
><strong>Sunshine Corazon: <strong>well what can we do?  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>we'll talk to schue tomorrow  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>damn right we will

**Tina Cohen-Chang **Rachel Berry is terrible!  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>tell me something I don't know

* * *

><p><strong>12 people <strong>are now friends with **Sunshine Corazon  
><strong>**Mercedes Jones – Sunshine Corazon **amazing audition today girl!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Totally. Your rendition of Listen brought tears to my eyes  
><strong>Sunshine Corazon: <strong>thanks guys :)  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>you're coming to rehearsal tomorrow, right?

**Will Schuester **is now friends with **Shannon Beiste  
><strong>**Sue Sylvester: **Traitor  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Back off Sue  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>You two missed out on some pretty amazing dog poop cookies. Had to eat them all myself  
><strong>Shannon Beiste: <strong>that's disgusting  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Let's just say I now know why they are good for the burlier Americans. Got everything right out of me! At least they helped me make more ingredients for the next batch  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>I don't think I'll ever be able to eat again

**Sam Evans  
><strong>sorry I didn't join the glee club

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>It's ok  
>I guess I understand where you were coming from<br>we could really use you though

**Sam Evans  
><strong>I just don't think ill have time with the football schedule and stuff anyway  
>beiste added another practice<br>she doesn't think our team is very good

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>maybe she shouldn't have cut me

**Sam Evans  
><strong>maybe  
>im sorry about that<br>hey I know I sort of took your spot as quarterback but I hope that doesn't mean we can't still be friends

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>sure dude

* * *

><p><strong>Sunshine Corazon <strong>has joined the group **Vocal Adrenaline  
><strong>**20 people like this  
><strong>**Jessie St. James: **I heard about your audition. Glad to see someone is going to carry us to another Nationals in my absence!  
><strong>Sunshine Corazon: <strong>thanks!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>check out sunshine's wall

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Already did  
>Please don't be mad at me<br>I apologized to her

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>yeah, too late though, she already hates you  
>we all really wanna go to new york rachel<br>and with sunshine we would have had a really, really good chance at that

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>You think I don't want to go to Nationals?  
>This means the world to me<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>well you have a weird way of showing it  
>look I love you but I cant defend you from the rest of the glee club forever<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>You don't have to  
>I'm trying to be better<br>I promise

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I hope youre not lying

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I'm not

**9 people **have become a fan of **Rachel Berry sucks!  
><strong>**Quinn Fabray: **oh hey, you guys finally found my page


	2. Britney Brittany

**Will Schuester **is now a fan of **Christopher Cross  
><strong>**Brittany Pierce: **:( he didn't treat the native americans very well  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>What?

**Kurt Hummel and 4 others **have joined the group **Bring Britney to Glee Club!  
><strong>**Mercedes Jones: **yes! we need to tell Schue about this asap  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>definitely!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>NO!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>why not?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>it's complicated  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>okay…

* * *

><p><strong>Emma Pillsbury<br>**I just saw the group your kids made. Clearly they really want to do Britney  
>Are you still holding out on that?<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Yes  
>I just don't think it's appropriate for them to be doing her songs. And her music doesn't go with the lesson I'm planning for this week.<p>

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Which is…?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Adult contemporary. They need to learn how to appreciate music that's more subdued.

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>I don't know, Will, I think you're being a little boring

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Me? Boring? Never

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Lol  
>I have to go. I have a date with Carl<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Are you guys going to have fun mixing the green and red grapes again?  
>It sounded like a pretty wild time<p>

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Don't make fun of me  
>Oh, and also, were you serious about letting Carl talk to the glee club about dentistry?<br>Because he's really excited

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Of course

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Well then…thanks  
>It means a lot to me that you are handling this so well<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>What do you mean?

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Well I know that you weren't entirely over the moon when you heard about my relationship with Carl  
>And<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Look I'm going to have to stop you there  
>I have no problem with you dating Carl<p>

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Really?  
>You're not jealous<br>At all?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Of course not!

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Oh. Okay  
>Well I better go<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Have fun!

**Emma Pillsbury  
><strong>Thank you

_Emma Pillsbury is offline_

**Will Schuester **is now friends with **Carl Howell**

**Rachel Berry **is baking banana bread for her amazing boyfriend **Finn Hudson  
><strong>**Finn Hudson:** :)

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>can't figure out why the hot dentist won't accept my friend request  
><strong>Emma Pillsbury: <strong>I'm not entirely comfortable with this, Santana.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>its ok san. i think he might be a cat

**Brittany Pierce **petted a snake at the dentist today  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>B, you're one of my best dancers, but if I were your dentist, I would kill myself. Slowly and painfully.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>thank you!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>are you mad at me?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Are YOU mad at me?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I guess kinda. football means a lot to me and it kinda feels like youre trying to take it away  
>but I feel bad about not defending you in front of brittany and santana today<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I guess I just keep worrying that one day you'll wake up and realize you could get any girl in the whole school and then you'll leave me  
>But when you aren't on the football team I just feel…safer<br>And it would be nice if you could do something about Brittany and Santana every once in a while

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I know im sorry  
>but I'm not going to leave you rach<br>I meant what I said last week about how I would never break up with you  
>but if I am able to get back on the football team I need to know i still have you<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Maybe  
>I just don't know<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>:(

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I still think we need the time to practice, anyway. We are going to be facing formidable opponents at Sectionals this year and whatever time you aren't spending with football is just more time you can spend honing your talents.

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>football IS my talent rachel  
>and I'm gonna keep trying to get back on the team so there's no point in you trying to fight this<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Look Finn, last year when I liked you I had to deal with the constant competition from Quinn, and then Brittany and Santana and I just don't think I can do it again

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ok but I'm with you now  
>and I'm not going to date any of them<br>what are you saying?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I'm saying that if you want to go back to being the popular star quarterback again, I don't think I can go with you.

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>so you're saying you're going to break up with me if I get back on the football team?  
>rach, please, don't do this to me<p>

_Rachel Berry is offline_

**Brittany Pierce – Santana Lopez **if dr. pepper isn't a dentist, what kind of doctor is he?  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>don't worry about it. I heard he got his PhD online

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez <strong>is going to the dentist with **Brittany Pierce**. time to get my anesthesia on!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>I'm so excited. that cat was super cute  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>I cant wait to get him up close and personal next to my face ;)  
><strong>Emma Pillsbury: <strong>Stop this now!

* * *

><p><strong>Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce <strong>have joined the group **Bring Britney to Glee Club!  
><strong>**Kurt Hummel likes this  
><strong>**Will Schuester: **We're still not going to sing anything by her!  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>You suck!

**Carl Howell – Will Schuester **Don't forget about your appointment tomorrow  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Can't wait. Going to the dentist is always such a joy

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>how was your trip to the figgins's office today? :)

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Ugh. Don't even get me started  
>I could tell he was trying to control his laughter when I told him the reason I was there was because I called Mr. Schue uptight<br>Everyone knows I was right

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>yeah I know  
>you shouldn't have said it though<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Maybe  
>Is there any chance this will convince him to change his mind about letting us do Britney?<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>I doubt it

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>:( I hate him

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>what did figgins make you do?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Detention tomorrow morning.  
>Which is MAJORLY going to cut in to my beauty sleep. I'm going to have to get up at 5 to complete my moisturizing routine<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>sorry hun

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Whatever. I'm not done fighting this  
>Britney is an icon and we cannot pass up this chance to honor her<br>I'm actually preparing an official presentation on the matter right now  
>Would you like to help?<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>um, I'll pass  
>but I hope it works out for you<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Oh it will

**Rachel Berry **is going shopping  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>that explains the commotion outside The Children's Place earlier today  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Just you wait, Santana. My new look is going to be such a perfect blend of sexy and classy that even you, in all your hatred, won't be able to look away.  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>hm, now I'm intrigued

* * *

><p><strong>Jacob Ben Israel <strong>has posted a photo  
><strong>53 people like this<br>****Azimio Adams: **damn berry, looking good!  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>preach  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>this is totally hot, rachel  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>yeah I'd tap that  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>guys! can we stop, please?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>santana and I are not guys. do we have to stop?  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>I guess not  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>good because I like this  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>desktop background!  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>I changed my mind. stop

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>hey you looked really good today in that britney outfit

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Thank you

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>but uh do you think you could maybe switch back to your old clothes?  
>jacob posted this picture of you and people were making sort of rude comments<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>But those clothes make me feel good about myself, Finn

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>you don't need to wear that to feel good rachel  
>I thought you were pretty before in case you didn't know<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>So you don't want me to dress like that because you don't want people to be interested in me?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>well when you put it that way it sounds bad  
>I just don't want random guys who don't respect you checking you out<br>youre MY girlfriend

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Well now do you understand why I don't want you to play football?  
>You not wanting guys to stare at me is exactly the same as me not wanting you being popular and hanging out with cheerleaders who only want you because you're the quarterback<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>this is a totally different situation  
>football is a game<br>these clothes are just asking people to think of you that way

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Well excuse me for wanting to feel hot for a change!

_Rachel Berry is offline_

**Finn Hudson – Rachel Berry **you are hot, rachel  
><strong>Noah Puckerman likes this<br>****Finn Hudson: **dude go AWAY

**Will Schuester **loves his new car!  
><strong>Carl Howell: <strong>Oh yeah Emma told me about that. You got the same one I have, right?  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>It was unintentional  
><strong>Carl Howell: <strong>Of course

**Terri Schuester  
><strong>Hey baby

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Don't talk to me

**Terri Schuester  
><strong>Why are you acting like this?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>You had no right to come to the school like that today

**Terri Schuester  
><strong>I couldn't help myself, Will  
>You think it's easy to be all alone, wondering if you've found someone new?<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>It doesn't matter because we're OVER  
>And if you need to talk to me, you can call<br>Or better yet, send me a Facebook message  
>Don't come to the place where I work and embarrass me in front of my friends<p>

**Terri Schuester  
><strong>Friends? You mean that crazy girl you were in the car with?  
>And that's another thing<br>What possessed you to go out and buy a new car?  
>Are you trying to impress her?<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>The car was for myself, and you have no business checking up on how I spend my money  
>And not that it's any of your business, but Emma is seeing someone else right now<p>

**Terri Schuester  
><strong>But you love her, don't you?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>I'm not going to discuss my personal life with you

**Terri Schuester  
><strong>You know what? Fine. Do what you want  
>But don't expect me to just take you back when she breaks your heart, ok?<br>Because I might have moved on

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Yeah, I should be so lucky

* * *

><p><strong>Artie Abrams <strong>just saw britney spears at the dentist! I think  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>me too!  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>It appears that the nitrous oxide in the laughing gas that the dentist gave us to render us unconscious and mask the pain of the drilling has caused us all to experience mild hallucinations, which, when coupled with our recent Britney Spears fervor, have manifested themselves in the form of vivid Britney fantasies!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>? ! ? ! ? ? ?  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>facebook seriously needs to impose a character limit

**Finn Hudson and Artie Abrams **have joined the group **McKinley High Football Team  
><strong>**26 people likes this  
><strong>**Santana Lopez: **hit me up whenevs, Hudson ;)  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>:O  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>did artie get new legs?  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>no. I'm going to use my chair as a battering ram  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>your chair is a male sheep?

**Will Schuester **to the members of **New Directions  
><strong>**Subject: **Britney…shh!  
>Okay so as I told all of you during glee today, I have decided to give in and let you do Britney for the fall homecoming assembly. You're welcome :) What I need to know now is what song you guys want to perform. Nominate suggestions below and then we can have a vote. I figured this would be more effective than doing it in class since you all have a tendency to shout over one another.<br>**Kurt Hummel: **Where to begin? I have an entire playlist dedicated to the fantastic work of Ms. Spears  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Try to pick one, Kurt  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>slave 4 u  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>me against the music please!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>I change my vote to santanas  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Of course you do, Britt. After careful consideration, I'm going to have to nominate…Oops I Did It Again  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>I feel like I don't really have much to contribute to this…  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>WOMANIZER  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>I nominate Baby, One More Time. It was her first hit and I think it would be the most appropriate for the occasion. Additionally, I have been practicing it since I was five, so I would be well suited to sing lead vocals.  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>damn girl, shut it. mr. schue, I don't care what we sing but can I nominate myself for a solo?  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>We'll see  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>I like stronger…  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>toxic?  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>I agree with tina  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>same  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>what a surprise  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>what? I don't really know any britney songs  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>So that's 3 for Toxic. What do you think guys?  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>meh. I can work with that  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Toxic it is!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>were you serious about what you said earlier?  
>will you really break up with me if I don't quit football<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Yes

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I can't do this anymore rachel!  
>its too hard for me to deal with your insecurities!<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Insecurites?  
>Finn I am only trying to make some compromises in order for this relationship to work, something you seem to be entirely incapable of doing!<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>youre being really demanding  
>and mean<br>and Im not going to let you control me. I already made that mistake with quinn  
>so if you want to break up with me then just do it<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>It's against my philosophy to engage in painful emotional interactions before a performance

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>so you're saying you're going to dump me after the homecoming assembly?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>No. I'm saying I need some time to think

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>well don't expect me to just be here waiting, ok?

_Finn Hudson is offline_

* * *

><p><strong>Sue Sylvester <strong>will be missing 5 minutes of Cheerios practice due to the fact that my spinal cord was ruptured in a recent sex riot  
><strong>Becky Jackson: <strong>get better soon coach!  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>we all wish you the best, coach sylvester!  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>we're so glad you were able to pull through, coach. we'll miss you at practice  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>we love you coach sylvester. P.S. i want to go to a sex riot

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>nice song today

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Thanks :)  
>It was meant to be an apology<br>Just by the way

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>yeah I got that lol  
>thank you<br>does this mean you don't mind that I'm on the football team now?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I won't lie and say that I love the idea. But I do trust you. And I love you and I want you to be happy

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I love you too rachel  
>you're the best<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I know :)

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>:) well I gotta go eat dinner but can I call you later?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Of course

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>awesome

_Finn Hudson is offline_

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Thanks for approaching Finn today

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>not a problem  
>even though I think its obnoxious and probably unhealthy for you to be "testing" your boyfriend with other girls<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I just needed to make sure he wasn't going to leave me now that he is popular, though now that I see that I have nothing to worry about, I can assure you that I will not do such a thing again. Nor have I done such a thing in the past. So there was no need to use "girls" in the plural

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>really?  
>look I know where you're coming from. I've been there with finn. one day you're going to see him talking to brittany or santana or some other girl and youre going to go through all of this again<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I appreciate your concern, Quinn, but Finn loves me. And I know he would never lie to me.

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>but what if he already has?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>What are you implying?  
>If you still have feelings for him and are trying to get me to break up with him, it's not going to work. Finn has finally moved on and he is not going to go back to you after you cheated on him.<p>

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>I don't want him back  
>finn is not the hero that you think he is. if I were you, I wouldn't trust him completely<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>What are you talking about?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Quinn?

_Quinn Fabray is offline_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The awesome part about this story is that I CAN FORESHADOW FUTURE EPISODES. Hah. Thanks for reviewing :)**


	3. Grilled Cheesus

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was studying for a history test and then FFnet had their login in problems...anyway, enjoy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>is off to make a grilled cheese  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>don't burn the house down :)

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson <strong>we won!  
><strong>89 people like this<br>****Artie Abrams: **yeah that's right mckinley!  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>that's where its at  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>yesss we might actually have a shot at being champs this year  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>go football!  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Congratulations Finn!  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>thanks :)

**Kurt Hummel **is psyched for Sound of Music sing along this Friday  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>does this mean we are allowed to miss friday night family dinners?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>I wouldn't count on it.

**Finn Hudson **has become a fan of **Jesus  
><strong>**Quinn Fabray and Mercedes Jones like this  
><strong>**Rachel Berry: **?

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry – Kurt Hummel <strong>You okay?

**Mercedes Jones – Kurt Hummel **I just heard. Call me if you need ANYTHING, any time, okay?

**Quinn Fabray – Kurt Hummel **I am so sorry to hear about your dad! Let me know if there's anything I can do.

**Kurt Hummel **Thank you everyone for your support  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>I have something for you. Ill bring it 2morrow  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Um ok. Thanks Britt

**Finn Hudson – Kurt Hummel **kurt! why didn't you tell me what happened?  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>we are going to see burt now. my mom wants to know if you need a ride to the hospital.  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>I am already there.

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>does not believe in God, for the last time!  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>we were just trying to help, Kurt  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>yeah seriously  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>I appreciate the sentiment but it's really not necessary.

**Brittany Pierce – Kurt Hummel **did you give the doctor my book report? was he able to fix your dad?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>No, they couldn't fix him. But thanks anyway.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>:(

**Sue Sylvester **The lack of respect for the separation of church and state these days sickens me.  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Sue…where are you going with this?  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Nowhere. Just an independent observation.

**Rachel Berry – Finn Hudson **Come over please, we need to talk  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>uhh am I in trouble?  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>no  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>k ill be there in 10  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>whipped

**Finn Hudson** second base!  
><strong>34 people like this<br>****Rachel Berry: **Finn!  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>you're lying  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>nope not lying  
><strong>Sam Evans: <strong>cute. first time?  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>First and last!  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>I got farther  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>SHUT UP

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany Pierce <strong>Heart attacks are just from loving too much  
><strong>Santana Lopez likes this<br>****Sue Sylvester: **You are an idiot.

**Sue Sylvester **has effectively stopped the Jesus. You're welcome  
><strong>Kurt Hummel likes this<strong>

**Emma Pillsbury **is furious at **Sue Sylvester**!  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>My only condolence is that as a hybrid of a human and an ape, you are likely infertile and therefore incapable of producing any offspring that could grow up to become as annoying as you.

**Mercedes Jones **thinks it's really uncool that we can't sing about religion in glee anymore  
><strong>Quinn Fabray likes this<strong>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>hey. I was thinking since we can't do anything for Kurt's dad in glee, maybe we should pray for him outside of school

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>I totally agree  
>I was just thinking that we should visit him in the hospital<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>I think that's a good plan  
>do you think kurt would mind<p>

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>probably  
>but we have to do something<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>good point. maybe we should get Rachel  
>I know you don't like her<br>but I feel like she would know what to do in this type of situation

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>yeah it's cool, invite  
>I just want to help kurt<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>cool  
>I'll message her<p>

**Mercedes Jones **to **Rachel Berry  
><strong>**Subject: **Praying for Kurt's Dad  
>Hey, Quinn and I were going to go visit Burt Hummel this week and pray for him, and we were wondering if you wanted to come. I know you're Jewish and all that but Quinn and I figured that if we all pray from different denominations, one of us will probably be right.<br>**Rachel Berry: **I would be honored. I know Kurt didn't particularly want us to pray but I can't in good conscience allow the Hummels to suffer without doing all in my power to help them. Tell me when you're going and I will be sure to clear my schedule.  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>tomorrow after school?  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Perfect.

**Rachel Berry – Finn Hudson **After we visit Burt tomorrow, would you like to have dinner with me?  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>sure. breadsticks?  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Actually, I was thinking a picnic in the park would be more appropriate for the occasion. That is, if you are agreeable.  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>k. that sounds cool too  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>having sex in the park kind of sucks though. santana knows what I'm talking about  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Please do not elaborate!

**Kurt Hummel **is looking for an acupuncturist. Any suggestions?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>acupuncturist was the name of the alien that probed me!  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>he wasn't an alien britt. and he was supposed to do that.  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>wait, he wasn't an alien? I was on earth the whole time?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Sometimes I think YOU'RE an alien, Brittany

* * *

><p><strong>Sam Evans <strong>dislocated shoulder. out for the next three weeks :(  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>that sucks! we need you as qb  
><strong>Sam Evans: <strong>you have finn  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>dude I'm so sorry. you ok?  
><strong>Sam Evans: <strong>I've been better  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>get well soon!

**Rachel Berry – Finn Hudson **I heard about the game. Sorry I was unable to attend. I'm glad to see you have regained your old position as quarterback, although I must say it's a bit unnerving to think how easily you could get hurt.  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>don't worry rach, I'll be careful

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>do you think going to pray for kurt's dad today was maybe a bad idea?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>No. Why?  
>Even though Kurt doesn't believe in God, why would it hurt to pray?<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>idk but he seemed upset and I don't want to make him mad  
>i already kind of screwed up with him last year<br>and my mom will get mad at me

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>What do you mean you screwed up with him last year?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>nothing  
>I mean I just said some things<br>thats it

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>What kind of things?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>don't worry about it rachel  
>I just want to make sure hes ok<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I'm sure he will be fine.  
>Tell me what you said to him<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>no

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>You know, Quinn warned me not to trust you

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>wait seriously  
>ugh<br>I cant believe her

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I mean I understand that it was very hypocritical of her, but I can't help but wonder if there is something you are hiding from me

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>there is nothing rachel I promise

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Ok  
>I hope you're not lying<br>I have to go

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>k bye, I love you

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Love you

_Rachel Berry is offline_

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>what did you tell rachel about me?

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>she said you told her not to trust me

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>well she shouldn't

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>what are you talking about?

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>You know what Im talking about

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>no…

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>santana tells me everything  
>or at least she used to, last year<br>the point is, I know what happened between you two

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>you still there?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>did you tell her

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>no and im not planning to

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>thank you

**Quinn Fabray  
><strong>but this isn't going to go away

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>whatever  
>I will deal with it when I need to<p>

**Mercedes Jones – Kurt Hummel **I'll pick you up at 8 on sunday, ok?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Can't wait…  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>are you going to church?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Against my will, yes.  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>it'll be worth it, I promise :)  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>I'm only going because I picked out the perfect outfit and it would be a shame not to be able to wear it.  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>that's the spirit!

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry<br>**So am I to assume by your performance of Losing My Religion today that I no longer have to worry that your belief in Christ may come between us when we are deciding how to raise our children?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>um  
>I guess so<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>What happened?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>well ms. pillsbury told me that jesus doesn't talk to people through grilled cheese sandwiches  
>so then I ate it<br>and now I have nothing

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Whilst I have been raised without the presence of Jesus in my religious upbringing, I understand and respect your devotion to him and I am sorry that you have been caused to question your faith.  
>Perhaps you should try praying to him directly instead of using a sandwich as an intermediary?<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I don't know  
>I don't really feel like this whole religion thing is for me<br>I mean its cool and all that but I don't think I did it right  
>I mean I never even prayed for kurts dad<br>I just prayed for like  
>stupid stuff<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>What kind of stuff?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>idk like I prayed we would win our football game  
>and that id be quarterback again<br>and

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>And…?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>nothing it was stupid

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>tell me!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I might have asked him to let me touch your boobs

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>don't be mad  
>I love you<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I'm not mad

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>is this like one of those times where you say youre not mad but im supposed to know that youre actually mad?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Lol. No  
>I chose to let you touch me<br>And while I don't necessarily understand it, I guess it makes sense that you would pray for such a thing  
>Just know that in the future, appealing to me directly would probably be a more suitable approach<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>got it ;)

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>But don't get any ideas…

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>oh I wont  
>except I think ill go and make another grilled cheese now<br>because you said the other day that you were planning on waiting to have sex until you were 25

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Don't you dare pray for that to change!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>too late  
>I just made another grilled cheesus<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>No!  
>Sdkfjdskjfhdsf<br>Come back here  
>Don't make me come over there and pry it from your hands!<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>sorry can't talk, I'm praying

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I hate you

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>you love me

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Unfortunately

**Kurt Hummel **If angels do exist, they've got nothing on **Mercedes Jones**. Damn, that girl can sing.  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>:D thanks. I love you  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>I love you too

* * *

><p><strong>Kurt Hummel <strong>I LOVE YOU DAD. THANK YOU FOR PULLING THROUGH FOR ME  
><strong>265 people like this<br>****Mercedes Jones: **I am coming over with my mother's stew. you have been warned  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>Yes!

**Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>Hi mr. schue  
>sorry to IM you<br>if this is weird

**Will Schuester  
><strong>No that's okay  
>What's up?<p>

**Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>well I know you said we can't do religious songs in glee anymore and so I understand if you have to say no, but I found a song that I think would be perfect for us  
>and I kind of thought the whole glee club could sing it together<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>What's the song?

**Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>It's called one of us  
>do you know it?<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Yeah I do

**Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>so what do you think?

**Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>Mr. schue?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Do it

**Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>really? you sure?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Yeah go for it  
>I'll deal with Sue and Figgins if they make a big deal about it<p>

**Tina Cohen-Chang  
><strong>thank you!

**Will Schuester  
><strong>No problem :)

**Tina Cohen-Chang **is calling a mandatory glee club meeting during lunch tomorrow  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>I thought I was the only one who was allowed to call mandatory glee club meetings!

**Tina Cohen-Chang **is calling a mandatory meeting of everyone who loves to sing and hates **Rachel Berry **during lunch tomorrow  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>I take that back. You are allowed to call a glee club meeting.

* * *

><p><strong>Will Schuester<br>**Thanks Sue

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>For what?

**Will Schuester  
><strong>For not reporting me today  
>For letting the glee club sing that song<br>It was really nice of you

**Sue Sylvester  
><strong>I don't do nice things, William  
>In fact I am currently trying to edit my Facebook settings so that chats like this will no longer be possible<p>

**Will Schuester  
><strong>Alright well then I will leave you to that  
>I just thought I'd let you know that you're appreciated<p>

_Will Schuester is offline_

**Sue Sylvester **where is **Will Schuester**? I'm making a cake and I ran out of baking grease


	4. Duets

**A/N: Like my reviewer sarah-hart, this is one of my favorite episodes. So it's longer than the other chapters (yay!) Also, I should warn you all that I ship Brittana like crazy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Noah Puckerman <strong>is going to be off facebook for a while…  
><strong>Dave Karofsky: <strong>is it true that you have to go to juvie?  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>why am I not surprised  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Are you kidding? What did you do?  
><strong>Noah Puckerman: <strong>i tried to steal an atm…  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>haha loser

**9 people **are now friends with **Sam Evans**

**Sam Evans **has joined the group **New Directions  
><strong>**12 people like this**

**Will Schuester **Get psyched for the duets competition!  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>oh hell to the yes. breadsticks, here I come

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>Hey whats up?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Nothing. Just checking out this Sam kid's profile.

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>Umm are you being a creeper again?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Again? I resent that  
>And no. I just thought it would be a good idea for me to check him out since he's new and all that<br>We don't want another Jesse situation, do we?

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>alright  
>you are aware that he's probably straight right?<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Please, my gaydar is phenomenal. And the hair never lies.  
>Besides, you have no reason to think he's straight<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>and you have no reason to think he's gay

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>:(

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>Hey I just don't want you to get hurt ok?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>I won't  
>Trust me<br>I know exactly how to play this

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>oh yeah?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Yes. Tomorrow I'm going to ask him to do a duet with me.

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>You think that's a good idea?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>I know it's a good idea  
>Now if you'll excuse me<br>I need to put together a potential playlist

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>k  
>good luck!<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Thanks hon.

_Kurt Hummel is offline_

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany Pierce – Santana Lopez <strong>come over  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>booty call?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>only if you want it to be  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>I'll be there in 5 mins ;)  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>wow, it's weird to have this conversation without puck's inappropriate comments  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>facebook is so quiet without him

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany Pierce <strong>is a fan of **Melissa Etheridge  
><strong>**Santana Lopez: **this changes nothing  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>:(  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>no one else is going to want to do a duet with you

**Mercedes Jones – Santana Lopez **ok I've decided.  
>I'll do a duet with you. but I get to pick the song<br>**Santana Lopez: **fine but it better be sassy  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>oh you know it  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>Can't wait to hear it, girls!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>hey I feel bad about what I said today  
>I feel like it came out wrong<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>If by wrong you mean homophobic and rude, then yes, it did

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I'm sorry. I just don't think you should do a duet with sam  
>I just want what's best for the team<br>and also you're only going to end up hurting yourself when things go badly

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>How do you know things are going to end badly?  
>He seems different than all the other football guys<br>He actually seems like he accepts me

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I don't know what you mean by different but hes really nothing special  
>he wouldn't even join the glee club at first because he was scared about what it would do for his rep<br>imagine what he would do if people started thinking he was gay  
>he'd be pissed<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Well I think you aren't giving him enough credit  
>And while I appreciate the concern, I also think that you can't help but have a slightly biased opinion because of your own views on homosexuality<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>for the last time I'm not a homophobe!

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>I'll believe that when I see it

_Kurt Hummel is offline_

**Mike Chang – Tina Cohen-Chang **thanks for coming to dim sum with me and my mom. I had fun :)  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>no problem…  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>is everything ok? you sorta seemed like you weren't having fun  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>why wouldn't I be having fun? we only go to dim sum every other day  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>ok…  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>we can talk about it tomorrow while we're rehearsing for our duet  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>wait, we're doing the duet together?  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>duh. who else would I be doing it with?  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>uh oh. trouble in asian paradise?  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE ASIAN

* * *

><p><strong>Rachel Berry <strong>to **Finn Hudson  
><strong>**Subject: **Plan for the duets competition  
>Okay so I've decided on an offensive song so we can throw the competition. We will sing "With You I'm Born Again." I'll be dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl and you'll be a priest.<br>**Finn Hudson: **perfect!  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>wait…I don't really get it  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>It's a song about two people feeling born again after a sexual experience with one another! The references to Catholicism make it offensive and sacrilegious. It's perfect!  
><strong>Finn Hudson: <strong>what's sacrilegious?  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Ugh never mind just come over after school so we can practice.

**Brittany Pierce **is in a relationship with **Artie Abrams  
><strong>**Santana Lopez: **um, is this a joke? you told me you thought he was a robot  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>I still think he might be  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>but I also think he's a super cute robot  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>thanks babe :)  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>well. this is going to last  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>do I detect a bit of jealousy, santana?  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>please, why would I be jealous?  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>hello?

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>what are you doing?

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>what do you want santana

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>you don't date, you just sleep with people  
>what are you doing with the cripple?<p>

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>maybe I want something more

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>please  
>even if you did, you wouldn't go to wheels<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>you're trying to make me jealous, aren't you?

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>thats not true  
>not everything is about you santana<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>fine whatever  
>do what you want<br>just know there's no way youre going to win the duet competition with his whiny voice

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>theres no way you're gonna win either  
>youre too much of a bitch<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>?  
>what is going on with you<br>youre acting super weird and its kind of annoying me

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>just don't talk to me for a while ok?

_Brittany Pierce is offline_

**Sam Evans – Kurt Hummel **I got the mp3s you sent me  
>damn you have a good voice<br>**Kurt Hummel: **Thanks :) I was just born with a lot of natural talent  
><strong>Sam Evans: <strong>sweet. so uh what song should we sing for this duet thing?  
><strong>Kurt Hummel: <strong>I took the liberty of making a playlist based on each of our vocal range and preferred style. I'll send it to you now.  
><strong>Sam Evans: <strong>alright cool

* * *

><p><strong>Finn Hudson<br>**I saw you got slushied today  
>remember what I said about kurt<p>

**Sam Evans  
><strong>ok but I told him id do the duet  
>I can't just bail on him<br>that would be rude

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ok but let me just tell you from experience that once youre on karofsky's radar  
>it doesn't matter that youre on the football team<br>he'll slushie you every day if he has to

**Sam Evans  
><strong>so I'm singing ONE song with another guy  
>I don't get what the big deal is<br>yeah I'm not super comfortable with it but there's no reason to hurt the poor kid's feelings, is there?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ugh ok I know that it's not right to ask you not to sing with him  
>but as QB its my job to make sure the team is getting along and I just feel like it would be a lot easier if you didn't, like, give them a reason to hate you<p>

**Sam Evans  
><strong>like I said earlier  
>I gave him my word<br>and I'm not gonna back out  
>id appreciate your support<p>

_Sam Evans is offline_

**Kurt Hummel** Welcome home **Burt Hummel**!  
><strong>10 people like this<strong>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Did you talk to my dad?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>about…?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>This Sam thing

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>no  
>why<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>He just told me that I shouldn't do a duet with Sam  
>He ALSO told me that you told your mom that I had a crush on you last year<br>And that's why it was okay that you said that thing to me in the basement

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ok hold on  
>first of all, you DID have a crush on me<br>and im not saying what I said to you was cool  
>but like<br>you gotta respect my space  
>and the fact that im straight<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>I feel like that's not the whole problem though  
>If a girl had treated you the way I did, you wouldn't have been mad<br>You overreacted because you are uncomfortable with the fact that I'm gay

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>youre wrong  
>kurt ANYONE would have been creeped out by the way you acted towards me<br>guys or girls or whoever  
>and I'm sorry about what I said to you last year but that's over and you need to stop jumping down my throat about this because all im doing right now is trying to make things right for sam so he can feel like part of the team and youre totally taking advantage of him<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>…  
>say something<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>I'm sorry  
>You're right I should probably not do this duet with Sam<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>I'm sorry  
>I just think this is best<br>its for the team

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>I understand  
>I have to go<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ok  
>um<br>how is burt?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>He's good

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>tell him hi for me?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Sure thing

_Kurt Hummel is offline_

**Sam Evans – Quinn Fabray **thanks for helping me clean off the slushie today :)  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>no problem. we've all been there :)  
><strong>Rachel Berry: <strong>Do I detect a budding romance?  
><strong>Quinn Fabray: <strong>go away RuPaul

**Mercedes Jones **is ready to kill that duet tomorrow…and ready to kill **Santana Lopez  
><strong>**Santana Lopez: **eyes on the prize, mama. just think of all those breadsticks…  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>i am. that's literally the only reason you're still alive

* * *

><p><strong>Sam Evans<br>**hey are you sure I didn't do anything to make you not want to do a duet with me?  
>I hope I didn't like<br>hurt your feelings or something

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>No it wasn't that at all, I promise

**Sam Evans  
><strong>ok. you sure?

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Positive. Actually it's me who should be apologizing. I hope you were able to find a suitable duet partner to replace me

**Sam Evans  
><strong>oh yeah I was thinking about asking quinn actually

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Oh. I didn't realize you two were acquainted.

**Sam Evans  
><strong>we sort of just met  
>she helped me yesterday when I got slushied<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Interesting  
>Are you…attracted to her?<p>

**Sam Evans  
><strong>idk  
>she's hot though, you know what I mean?<br>whoops sorry I know you're gay

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>No I understand. She's quite beautiful

**Sam Evans  
><strong>yeah  
>ok well I gotta go…homework<p>

**Kurt Hummel  
><strong>Alright. See you tomorrow

**Sam Evans  
><strong>see ya

_Sam Evans is offline_

**Kurt Hummel – Mercedes Jones **I was wrong.  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>told you

**Tina Cohen-Chang – Mike Chang **so I tried to get another duet partner and I couldn't. looks like we're stuck together  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>sorry babe, I really want to be your partner. I just cant sing!  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang: <strong>it doesn't matter! ill take the lead, you just need to do SOMETHING  
><strong>Mike Chang: <strong>k you take the main part, ill sing the chorus line or something  
><strong>Tina Cohen-Chang:<strong> chorus line? OMG I'm having a brainwave brb!

* * *

><p><strong>Mercedes Jones – Santana Lopez <strong>at this point I'd say we're favorites to win this thing  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>damn straight!  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>that's only because artie and I havent performed yet  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>also, you are not straight  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>…

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>We have a problem!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Sam kissed Quinn while they were rehearsing and then she got mad and dropped out of the duets competition

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>crap. are you sure?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Yes I'm sure I heard her telling Brittany about it after school today  
>What are we going to do?<br>If Sam doesn't compete then we threw the competition for nothing

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>we need to convince them to do it  
>ill get sam, you take quinn<br>tell them they have to perform

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Yeah right, like Quinn Fabray would ever listen to me  
>Besides, what do I tell her?<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>idk, tell her it will make her popular or something  
>she's really into that<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Alright  
>What are you going to tell Sam?<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>it probably wont be hard to convince him  
>im sure he wants to do a duet with her<br>you just need to make sure quinn will take him back, ill get him to apologize

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Okay. And if they question our motives?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ugh I don't know, make something up  
>its your fault youre always up to something and no one trusts you<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>:(

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>still love you though

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>:) Alright, we will reconvene tomorrow after we've put our evil plan into action

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>kk

**Artie Abrams – Brittany Pierce **when do you want to practice our duet?  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>umm how about tomorrow after school?  
><strong>Artie Abrams: <strong>sounds good  
><strong>Brittany Pierce: <strong>great come over to my house whenever

* * *

><p><strong>Artie Abrams<br>**quick I have a question  
>hurry and respond!<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>what?

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>I am at brittanys house right now  
>and<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>and?

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>ok don't tell anyone  
>we just had sex<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>WHAT?  
>oh haha<br>are you joking?

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>no

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>wait, actually?  
>omg<br>dude…well, congrats?

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>thank you and DON'T TELL ANYONE

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>haha I would tell everyone if I were you  
>but ok<p>

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>ok but seriously she is in the bathroom so quick, tell me what should I do?

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>you do realize I've only done it once right?  
>rachel wants to wait until she's 25 :P<p>

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>ok but youre the only one online so help me!

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ok well I took santana to mcdonalds  
>and I bought her a cheeseburger<br>and then I drove her home

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>are u kidding me?  
>that's the only advice you have?<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>idk that's what she wanted!

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>crap I think brit is coming back

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>ok ok just be nice and like  
>offer to get her some food<br>dude brittanys done this before, just follow her lead  
>do whatever she wants to do<p>

**Artie Abrams  
><strong>ok. I gotta go

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>is she wearing clothes right now?

_Artie Abrams is offline_

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Guess what?  
>I am at Finn's house right now and Artie just told him that he and Brittany engaged in sexual relations earlier today!<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>sexual relations?  
>seriously, dwarf, why do you talk like that?<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>? Why are you being mean?  
>Is this really Mercedes?<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>yes it is  
>wait, are you telling the truth?<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Well Finn told me that Artie just IMed him and told him

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>what exactly did wheels say?  
>I mean artie<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>I don't know I didn't see the actual IMs  
>But he told Finn that he's at her house right now<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>omg I am going to kill that fucking crip!

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Okay, who is this?  
>Santana?<p>

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>hell to the naw, this is mercedes  
>imma go eat some tots<br>and some fried chicken  
>mmm I love food<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>That is offensive  
>Why are you signed on with Mercedes's account?<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Hello?

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>Hey girl  
>What's up?<p>

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Prove that you are Mercedes!

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>umm…why?

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>Alright, good enough  
>I think Santana just took over your account<br>Where are you?

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>the library  
>I just went to the bathroom<br>omg

**Rachel Berry  
><strong>What?

**Mercedes Jones  
><strong>she definitely did  
>brb g2g commit a murder<p>

**Mercedes Jones **has become a fan of **Fried Chicken**

**Mercedes Jones **has become a fan of **Kool Aid**

**Mercedes Jones **has become a fan of **Oprah  
><strong>**Santana Lopez: **getting your black on?  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>imma slap you to the ground, bitch  
><strong>Santana Lopez: <strong>so basically, yes

**Santana Lopez **there is nothing I enjoy more than a good fight  
><strong>Will Schuester: <strong>I hope you also enjoy a good detention  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Actually, Will, Santana has been excused from detention because of a mandatory Cheerios practice. I guess you will have to find someone else to spend their afternoon engaging in the tedious task of gelling each of your tiny hairs.  
><strong>Mercedes Jones: <strong>are you kidding me? that is so unfair mr. schue. if I have to go to detention, santana does too  
><strong>Sue Sylvester: <strong>Life is unfair, Aretha

* * *

><p><strong>Brittany Pierce <strong>is single

**Artie Abrams **is single  
><strong>Santana Lopez likes this<strong>

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>I am so mad at you

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>why? because I told artie to stop acting like he was dating you?  
>if every guy you had sex with acted like that, you would have your own groupies<br>you should be thanking me

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>artie was different than the other guys

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>why, because he gets to use a special bathroom?  
>come on britt you can do better than that<p>

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>i tried to do better  
>but you said you didn't love me<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>what are you talking about?  
>brittany?<p>

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>nothing nevermind  
>I just don't like it when we fight<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>neither do I

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>and artie and I were going to win the competition and go to breadsticks but then he dropped out  
>this is the most terrible week ever :(<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>ok, how about we go to breadsticks tomorrow?

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>really?  
>just us?<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>Just us  
>if you've forgiven me<p>

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>wait let me think  
>ok yes I forgive you<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>good because I was planning on picking you up at 7 either way

**Brittany Pierce  
><strong>YAY  
>I missed you<p>

**Santana Lopez  
><strong>I missed you too

**Rachel Berry **Congrats to **Quinn Fabray **and **Sam Evans **for an amazing, Breadsticks coupon-winning performance in glee!  
><strong>3 people like this<strong>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>have fun on your date with quinn tonight

**Sam Evans  
><strong>I'm pretty sure she would get mad if you said that to her  
>I think she doesn't consider this to be a date<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>well, maybe if you play your cards right

**Sam Evans  
><strong>that's what im hoping ;)  
>this isn't weird for you is it? I know you guys used to date<p>

**Finn Hudson  
><strong>no no its fine, I don't like her anymore  
>I just don't think she will want to date you, that's all<p>

**Sam Evans  
><strong>we'll see

* * *

><p><strong>Quinn Fabray <strong>is in a relationship with **Sam Evans  
><strong>**56 people like this**


End file.
